The Art of Knowing

"I'll only say this once, I've never said it before. This type of certainty comes but once in a lifetime."

~Clint Eastwood, The Bridges Of Madison County.











Those who truly know me, know that I am a big believer in coincidences. So when a movie that I've seen at least a dozen times, is showing on TV on a rainy day off while I'm pondering a newness in my life, I have to pay close  attention. This "certainty" that the character Robert Kincaid spoke of in the movie is very real.  And although it has been debated about, written about, sung about in a zillion songs and has been played out in more memorable movie scenes than I can count, it is something that most of us will never experience in our lifetime. This "certainty", in the simplest of terms is true love.  And although I do believe that the need for true love is important, I along with many others have taken on the mindset that perhaps its not meant for me. I know a few people who have been fortunate enough to find true love and watching them interact is like watching a rainbow take form before my eyes.  Its pure magic, and it happens with very little effort because the pathways to their lover's heart was paved long before they even existed.
  

So what was I  to gain  from a movie that I'd already identified so with many years ago? Interestingly enough, I had tuned in right at the  moment  in the movie where  Francesca  had to make the very difficult choice of either staying in a life that she already knew and dreaded, or running into  the arms of the love of her lifetime.  To no one's surprise though, she chose to hold on to what ever morals she had left,and stay with her family, only to grow old and die without ever knowing where that whirlwind would have taken her.  I thought, what a beautifully awkward place to be in; to stand in the presence of fate and surrender what she had finally come to know as "certain". 

Before I knew it, I  was completely overcome with emotion and was sobbing; something inside of me shifted and it felt as though every wall that surrounded my heart fell apart all at once. I realized that for the first time in my life, I know “certainty”. It now has a face, and a name, and a warm body, and a gentle touch, and eyes that pierce the darkest parts of my existence. This certainty came to me the very moment that I knew myself, and he dotted the “I” in my life. This certainty knows nothing about me, but genuinely wants to. This certainty hails at the possibility of forever, but savors every breath of wind in the present. This certainty…my certainty, was made for me and I for him, and has forever changed my life’s course.

I stood there in silence, watching the rolling credits and thinking to myself how fortunate I am to have this certainty find me. But I questioned how anyone with a beating heart could ever walk away from the obvious. Is fear or doubt or circumstances so strong that they can keep us from ever knowing a life of unbridled bliss? Why do we allow them to? In a world of complex details I guess the notion is not that far fetched, but it doesn’t make it any less ridiculous. We’ve all made mistakes, have gotten ourselves into relationships and marriages that worked well on the surface, but killed us slowly on the inside. We chose to stay longer than we should have, and in some instances have chosen to stay forever. But why serve a life sentence for something that has run its course and is no longer working?

Believe what you choose and build your own definition of what is "right"; that’s the beauty of life. But I know for me the way is clear; and now that certainty has extended me his hand…I ain’t never letting go.

*For the man who makes everyday feel like Christmas: Lets plan nothing and live the Hell out of each other~ Cheers!